♥

Grandpa, I miss you. A lot. It's been almost two years & I still think about you all the time. Being seven hundred miles away from you, I didn't always get to see you as much as I'd like. I remember everything. The times you'd come to Michigan in the spring to visit, the summers I spent in Massachusetts, the days you'd get sunburnt on the beach, the mornings I'd wake up & smell coffee, the stories you'd tell me about when you were in different countries. I remember it all. & I miss it. The thing I miss the most about you is your strength though. You lived through the loss of two daughters, two wifes, many friends & you still kept your head held high. You gave me one of the greatest people I have, my father. You've shown me how to never take anything in life for granted. I love you & miss you. I promise I won't let you down, Papa Lyons.♥

Auntie Sheila, let me start off by saying that you are everything I think a person should be. Kind, generous, strong & loving. You knew more about pain & suffering then anyone should ever have to, but you never let it get to you. You survived cancer multiple times & when it came back you still put everyone else before you. Your selflessness is beautiful. One of the things I admired the most about you is that you really, truly cared about others. I remember getting phone calls on my birthday & necklaces, "just because". Even on that sad December day; when you were sick again, you made sure everyone else was happy. You were a great person. I love you, miss you & think of you often.♥

Bad feeling.

So, for the past week I've felt like utter & complete crap.
You have the paranoia, the anxiety, the sadness & the loneliness.
& then the constant headaches, stomach aches & exhaustion. It sucks. /:
& now- even just the most little things are getting to me. Like, if someone says one little mean thing to me, I'll freak out & cry or be the rudest person ever about it. Which I hate, because then I take it out on the people I care about.
Like for instance, on Friday this girl wouldn't leave me alone & I was seriously about to cry. Duncan was trying to comfort me & I just lashed out on him & was the biggest jerk, ever.
& lately, I'm always paranoid. Always. I guess I kind of have reason to be, but not as bad as this is. I mean, I haven't done anything wrong but I'm always scared that someone is mad at me, or talking about me, or that someone hates me. It sucks, like a lot. Because then, I can't even think straight. & I can't talk to people about it, because then I sound utterly crazy. /: I guess I'll just have to deal with it, even though I really don't want to.
& I'm trying really hard to stay positive & not complain, but it's just not that easy lately. Heh.
I think I'm gonna go take a shower & listen to some music to calm me down.
Peaceee.

.

This is going to be the last time I get to blog for a few days. I deleted a bunch of blogs, partly because they're the "old me" & I don't want to be reminded of that. Anyway. I'm officially living at my mother's house tomorrow, but I'll be at my dad's this weekend.

The rest of this blog is going to be venting, complaining & anything else that will help me get through this. If you'd rather not read it, click out.

I'm so sick of this. I'm sick of the lying & the broken promises. I'm sick of trying to stay strong for you, because I don't want to be a selfish bitch. I'm sick of you complaining that there's never any money. Guess what? If you didn't spend $100+ a week on cigarettes & beer, maybe you'd have money. I'm sick of being expected to just go along with everything. I don't like this. At all. I hate it. A whole lot. I hate how you just changed my entire life around & expect me to be all smiles. Guess what? It doesn't work that way. I hope you're happy, even though I'm not.

& I'm sorry for anyone who is reading this. I'm not trying to be bitchy all the time. I just really hate this & I'm not really feelin' life right now. & everytime I try to stay positive, life gives me one hundred reasons not to. Haha, only four more years left of this though, right? I really can't wait.

Until then.
-Alyssa.

Goals For Freshman Year.

My goal is to accomplish all of this before June. I'm going to add a lot more to this as I think of more.

-Be nice to everyone the first week of school.
-Make a new friends.
-Become closer to acquaintances.
-Make the honor roll.
-Give up the Internet for a whole week.
-Wear my tutu.
-Lose ten pounds.
-Write something amazing in English.
-Move on.
-Meet someone who gives me butterflies.
-Make it through the first week without a panic attack.
-Find new bands that I really like.
-Get my belly button pierced.
-Hang out with Josh.
-Hang out with Taylor.
-Quit biting my nails.
-Meet someone from Europe & become friends with them.
-Reach 600 songs on my iPod.
-Write a story.
-Add more to this list.
-Find someone who I can be happy to be around.
-Leave Michigan for a few days.

Massachusetts!

I'm leaving for Massachusetts tomorrow night.
Detroit to Providence to Fall River.
Three states in one day, aha.
I won't be in Massachusetts until about 1 AM on Friday.
I won't be able to get on the Internet while I am there; so no more blogs for the next ten days or so, which is why I'm posting this.
[I have a feeling this will be a tad long.]

I get to see my family, go to a Red Sox game, go to the beach just a lot more.(:

I'm excited.
Peace yawww [yawww= MY word xP]
-Lyssie♥

Fights/arguments.

This is going to be another one of my crazy rants xP.
&&most of you are going to disagree with this. But;; if you're reading this, I would LOVE your opinion.
kthx(:

Fights.
So, something that REALLY bothers me is fights.
People who start 'em, people who do them, all of that.
It's really stupid how people are like, "They were talking shit about me, I'm gonna kick their ass".
Really? What's violence going to do? Hurt someone&&make you look stupid. That's all. No one thinks it's cool [I sure as hell don't]. It's really pathetic.

Arguments.
I understand, that conflict is a part of life. But, why does it have to be every single day? Seriously, it's pretty easy to just get along with people. Just because someone said something about you doesn't mean that you have to start arguing with them. You can calmly just sort it all out. &&it makes me SO sad when close friends argue. I mean, of course it's bound to happen. But, I wish it didn't happen as often as it does. It would make life so much easier&&people wouldn't get their feelings hurt. I wish people could just get along.

I sound like such a hippy xP.
Opinions please.
Thank you much.
-Alyssa

Goals For Summer 2010[:

-Actually invite people to come swimming this year.
-Lose weight.
-Buy a bunch of clothes in Massachusetts.
-Go tubing.
-Bleach all the black out of my hair.
-Go to a concert or show.
-Gauge my ears to a 4.
-Start ballet again.
-Go swimming alot more.
-Hang out with Lyndsey.
-Buy a new hair straightener.
-Get better with French.
-Get better with Italian.
-Get back in contact with old friends.
-Run around in the rain.
-Read at least ten books.
-Download a bunch of music for my iPod.
-Use the Slip&&Slide.
-Buy a tutu.
-Grow my hair out.
-Hang out with Taylor.
-Hang out with Maddie.
-Hang out with Taylor.
-Hang out with Cassie.
-Buy a Disturbed shirt.
-Buy a Linkin Park shirt.
-Get a cute haircut.
-Buy seven pairs of pants.
-Get new Converse.
-Drink a pina colada smoothie [they're super yummy :D]
-Spend a day with my mom.
-Spend a day with my dad.
-Make new friends.
-Get 10 followers on my blog. xD

New blog.

So, I made a new blog.

:D

My other one, wasn't really working&&no one could read anything.

O.O
So, here is a new one. It'll be rants, opinions, things about my days, my ideas, my thoughts&&so much more.

:D

You should follow[x
Thank you for reading.
Arrivederci.
-Alyssa♥