♥

Grandpa, I miss you. A lot. It's been almost two years & I still think about you all the time. Being seven hundred miles away from you, I didn't always get to see you as much as I'd like. I remember everything. The times you'd come to Michigan in the spring to visit, the summers I spent in Massachusetts, the days you'd get sunburnt on the beach, the mornings I'd wake up & smell coffee, the stories you'd tell me about when you were in different countries. I remember it all. & I miss it. The thing I miss the most about you is your strength though. You lived through the loss of two daughters, two wifes, many friends & you still kept your head held high. You gave me one of the greatest people I have, my father. You've shown me how to never take anything in life for granted. I love you & miss you. I promise I won't let you down, Papa Lyons.♥

Auntie Sheila, let me start off by saying that you are everything I think a person should be. Kind, generous, strong & loving. You knew more about pain & suffering then anyone should ever have to, but you never let it get to you. You survived cancer multiple times & when it came back you still put everyone else before you. Your selflessness is beautiful. One of the things I admired the most about you is that you really, truly cared about others. I remember getting phone calls on my birthday & necklaces, "just because". Even on that sad December day; when you were sick again, you made sure everyone else was happy. You were a great person. I love you, miss you & think of you often.♥

Bad feeling.

So, for the past week I've felt like utter & complete crap.
You have the paranoia, the anxiety, the sadness & the loneliness.
& then the constant headaches, stomach aches & exhaustion. It sucks. /:
& now- even just the most little things are getting to me. Like, if someone says one little mean thing to me, I'll freak out & cry or be the rudest person ever about it. Which I hate, because then I take it out on the people I care about.
Like for instance, on Friday this girl wouldn't leave me alone & I was seriously about to cry. Duncan was trying to comfort me & I just lashed out on him & was the biggest jerk, ever.
& lately, I'm always paranoid. Always. I guess I kind of have reason to be, but not as bad as this is. I mean, I haven't done anything wrong but I'm always scared that someone is mad at me, or talking about me, or that someone hates me. It sucks, like a lot. Because then, I can't even think straight. & I can't talk to people about it, because then I sound utterly crazy. /: I guess I'll just have to deal with it, even though I really don't want to.
& I'm trying really hard to stay positive & not complain, but it's just not that easy lately. Heh.
I think I'm gonna go take a shower & listen to some music to calm me down.
Peaceee.